My Famous Red Kidney Beans Masala!!

One of my famous recipes.. if you love spices and beans.. you'll love this one! 

Ingredients:
2 cans red kidney beans
2 tsp turmeric
2 tsp red chilli powder (adjust depending on individual spice preferences)
2 tsp coriander powder
2 tsp garam masala
2 large tomatoes chopped finely
1 onion chopped finely
Olive oil
1 clove garlic
2 slices ginger
2 pinches cumin seeds

Serves: Approx 4-6

Method:
1. Cut the onion, garlic and ginger into small pieces and fry.
2. Open red kidney beans cans and drain, saving the liquid for later. Rinse the beans & set aside.
3. In a pan, warm the oil and add cumin seeds. After browned, add in remaining spices. Heat for a couple of minutes.
4. Add tomatoes. Stir until juices are released.
5. Add red kidney beans. Adjust spices to taste.
6. Simmer for 10 minutes. Add liquid from can, stirring occasionally if needed.

10 things I'm really looking forward to in Sri Lanka

So, I'm going to Sri Lanka this weekend for one of my best friend's wedding. I've been waiting and longing for this day to come for months. And though it will have a big unimaginable impact on my pain and fatigue levels, I'm really looking forward to it & here's my top 10 reasons why:

10. Some warm weather (just for a change really, even though most probably the humidity will make my pain worse)

9. My gran's cooking - nothing like some good ol' fashioned Lankan cooking - Kiribath, Fish Curry, Brinjal... yum, yum, yum!

8. Travelling alone (this may sound like a weird one as travelling alone is usually more stressful, particularly since carrying my own suitcases will cause me unimaginable pain, but I'm looking forward to being alone for atleast 8 hours straight; 8 hours where I'm not forced to pretend to be ok to stop hurting others feelings; 8 hours where I can blubber when I feel like it and not have the world judge me; 8 hours with no expectations)

7. The elephant orphanage in Pinnewala - I visited this when I was younger and the elephants were so cute!
I absolutely loved it especially their bath time and watching the adorable baby elephants.

6. Giving gifts - Nothing like feeling like Saint Nick for a day, but also it's a good opportunity for me to feel like I am showing that I care and love my friends and family even though I can't spend a lot of time with them because of my fibro.

Half way there.....

5. Seeing my cousins - In all the world, my cousins remind me most of my mum. They are the most loving, caring people you could ever meet and I count each day as a blessing that I get to spend with them.

4. Frien-unions! I get this awesome opportunity to see my friends and best friends whom I haven't seen in 6 years! I'm so excited that I have been telling everyone I can that this will be the highlight of my trip. I feel so lucky and blessed!

3. The fact that I get to be there for my bestie's wedding! I'm so excited that I get to share this wonderful day with her.

2. My other random bestie's sense of humour... She could make a dead chicken laugh. She makes me smile even on my darkest days and let's face it; we all need a friend like that!

And drum roll, please....................

The number 1 thing I am looking forward to is:

1. Being seen & being loved. For the first time in 6 years, I am going to be surrounded by people who knew and loved me, the me I used to be before Fibro took over; People who see the fibro me but also remember who I am on the inside; People who love me despite the zillion ways I fail. Above all, people who can see my heart and soul.

Catch you all once I'm back... :)

For those really difficult days...

Celebrate all your achievements, however small you may think they are.

No matter what you've been through, you survived today! And I'm proud of you!
You did it! :)

Fibro Myth #6: It's all in your head!

How many times have you heard either a doctor or a friend tell you that your fibro is all in your head? That if only you focused on something else, the pain would just disappear. If you've been sick for a while, chances are you've probably heard this atleast a couple of times.

Unfortunately, friends, some people treat us this way, and perhaps even more shockingly, some doctors treat us this way too. If you're not a chronic pain sufferer, you may not understand the impact of hearing such a statement - Imagine this. You find out you have a brain tumour. It's fairly serious. It's causing your cells to mutate and your muscle functions to be disrupted. You go to your doctor & show him the scans and explain. This is what he says:

You're probably laughing now, but is our fibromyalgia any different. Most researchers and doctors agree that fibromyalgia is caused by a change in the neurological system which causes our brains to perceive pain differently. So technically, yes, just like a tumour, it's all in our head. But what difference does that make? Just like you wouldn't ignore a tumour just because it's in your head, so it is with our fibromyalgia. Only a fool would walk around with a tumour, simply trying to push through it! And yet, that is what a lot of people tell us to do.. Friends, do not get caught up in trying to "push" through and simply survive. Take steps to help yourself, seek assistance and pursue treatments and strategies. 

Sure, the fibromyalgia is in your head (ie. brain), but that doesn't make it any less real or painful. 

Listen to your body..

Ever walk through a really busy street or stand in a really busy train? With people shoving you left, right and centre; where you feel like you're moving at snail pace or moving backwards against the tide? When all your effort doesn't result in you getting anyway except hurt by the people pushing you aside as they bustle around?

Ever feel invisible and ignored amongst a crowd; that though you are screaming for help and love, no one around you appears to hear or notice you? 

This is how your body feels when you push through to keep doing things. It feels ignored. It sends out tired and pain signals to alert you to the fact that it is in distress. If still unheard, it causes you to crash, in hopes you'll learn to rest and take care of yourself better next time.

If you talk to anyone who's successfully managing their fibro or chronic illness and ask them about their life pre-illness, they will almost certainly tell you that they've learnt to slow down over the years. They've learnt to pace themselves and not deplete all their energy stores overnight. They've learnt to listen to their body and hear it screaming for help.

Do you?

If not, perhaps now is the time to start. How about doing something simply for your body today? Get a massage or have a long luxurious bubble bath. Ask someone for a soft hug. Let yourself cry if you're feeling down or have a laugh otherwise. 


Trust me. It will make a difference. Even if you're not chronically ill, start today. Your body WILL thank you. 

   

Unexpected delays & joys....

It has been about a month since my last post.. and apologies to all for that..
I have no other explanation for it except my lovely buddy, fibro..After a horribly difficult exam experience, followed by immense levels of pain & busyness, culminating in an interstate trip, my body had no spoons to maintain blogging..

But such is the life of a fibromite & in some ways, us all... Life never is a straight line; Strength comes and it goes.. and we sit strapped in the ride, ready to confront it all..

Having said that, life has had some good turns in the past month:

1. I have officially been put on the first set of working pain medications for my condition - I feel like the clock has turned backwards for me. On a good day, I have 50% less pain! 50% - that's huge for me! On a bad day, it's only a little relief, but it's still more relief than if I didn't have the pain killers... So what are these new wonder drugs you ask? They are Lyrica and Cymbalta. If you've never heard of these or you have not been previously prescribed pain medications for your fibro, it's worth having a chat to your GP about them - there are side effects and it is NOT PBS-covered so it is fairly pricey, but if it brings relief, it will probably be worth it.

2. My horrible exam experience which I mentioned earlier.. Today, there emerged a silver lining: I found out that I passed the exam! Hurrah! In some small way, the struggle & pain accomplished something - what a relief!

3. God has yet been faithful! Despite the ups and downs, and the crazy levels of pain and fatigue, he has been with me through it all. He has even restored some friendships and relationships for which I previously had no energy to pursue. He has strengthened old bonds and created new ones.

I don't know where your life is at today - Maybe you're enjoying the wind in your hair as you rise to new heights or maybe you're plummeting down the ride. Either way, hold on to your God and he will guide you through and be faithful to you!

"I delight in the Lord, 

my soul rejoices in my God.

For he has clothed me with garments of salvation

and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness."

Isaiah 61:10

The world often sucks but God is forever good

Today was just one of those days; you know the days I'm talking about: the ones where you think you really shouldn't have got out of bed.

The day starts off with expectation.. not the expectation of anything special, but the expectation of something to make life with your chronic illness just a little easier. You're not asking for a handout, but acknowledgement of the fact that you are trying to &  constantly accomplishing things far beyond your reach... You wait...but nothing comes.... You fight anyway, because you are determined to finish. You fight because you are determined to see your dreams come to life, even with the fifty sumo wrestlers sitting on your head & pain in every fibre of your being.. You fight. And you win. You look around but the world hasn't even stopped to notice.. Nobody seems to care.

On to the next dream.. You wait...You expect.. Once again, nothing happens..You fight, You win.... and on it goes... One by one, the weight of those sumo wrestlers & the pain grows.. until it's too much, until it shoves you to the ground and pummels you bit by bit. You try.. You wait.. You expect.. Nothing happens.. You have no fight left.

Today was one of those days. I was promised extra writing time on an exam. Five minutes before the exam started, they denied it to me. I looked across the room and my heart broke. There were others there - those with broken legs and all.. Of course, they deserved to be there, but so did I. Is not my pain counted as even comparable with a broken leg? Surely, it is ten times ten worse...There was nothing I could do. The pain and fatigue had been so high that I couldn't study much and sitting in the exam, I knew if something did not change, I was most definitely going to fail.. In fact, there was little point in sitting the exam at all. All that was left to do was cry.

Instead, I lifted my eyes to the One who can help & said if you want, please take away a little of this fatigue and pain to pass this exam. If not, I will surely fail. Just a little, please. What did God do? A million times more than that... Where everyone else had let me down, I kid you not, I barely had to wait a minute before he lifted almost 50% of the fatigue for a full half of the exam period. He helped me think; He helped me ignore unimaginable pain levels; He said there by my side, each minute. There were so many questions I hadn't even studied for because my brain fog stopped me from understanding anything but God's bigger than that.. How could tax law stand against its maker and mine, God! If you have fibromyalgia, I know you understand just how I was feeling and the impact of what God did for me. As I walked away, after it was over, my eyes welled up with tears of thankfulness (& pain as it grew each minute)...God said: When everyone fails in the 20% they promise you, I'll do for you 100% more than you can possibly imagine, expect or ask for. 

Truly, I know I said it once before this week already, but - If God is for us, who can stand against us? What can stand against us? Nothing! Not fibro! Not even unfair discrimination / lack of support.. Nothing! 

The world often sucks..... but God is forever good.