The Glue that holds me together

I have to admit, like most women, The Notebook is one of my all-time favourite movies! The love between Noah and Allie is epic & almost every female I know swoons when everyone tells Noah to leave Allie's side as her Alzheimer's deteriorates.. but Noah simply says, "Allie is my home".. Every woman wants to be loved like this! If you haven't seen this, you really need to see it, ASAP!

It makes me wonder though.. Is Noah & Allie's love really the most epic love?
Well, no. Romance aside, God stands in front of us with a love that is far more deserving, fantastic and all-consuming, who has forgiven us infinitely more than Noah did Allie & who has loved us with a love that will last forever. He stands at our doors, saying I am your home. Come make your home with me & let's spend eternity together in love.

People often ask me how and why I still believe that God loves me even as I get weaker and sicker. The answer is simple... The more weaker I get, the more convinced I am that God loves me and works in all things for my good. Now God has always been wonderful to me. He made me & he has listened to and answered my prayers since I was young. But never have I known His love like this than He has shown me in the past few years. From helping me and supporting me, he now does almost everything for me. He helps me wake up in the morning. He makes me fall asleep at night even despite the weaning medications and the unbearable agony. He is my friend and companion when all my friends desert me simply because they don't want an "ill" friend. When I am treated unfairly, he works in the hearts of colleagues and others to restore love to the relationship. He holds my hand physically each night and I know that when I leave this earth to go home with Him, I will die in His arms.

Truly, in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him! He holds me together and he's by far the greatest love I have ever known. No man could even come close to comparing with this EPIC LOVE.

God, where are you?

God, where are you?

(c) ChronicFaith

I scream but no sound comes out

I beg but my pleas appear unheard

I’m desperate but my prayers disappear with the wind.

God, where are you?

I struggle and I fall apart

I am mocked & made a fool of

I cry myself to sleep,

God, where are you?

I am in agony and I sweat in anguish

Pain fills me from head to toe

I can’t breathe, I can’t move

God, where are you?

I am filled with grief

I have lost the one I love

I am alone & abandoned,

God, where are you?

When you pleaded, I saw your heart.

When you cried, I collected your tears.

When you were in pain, I held your hand.

When you grieved, I mourned with you.

  

I was never far, my beloved daughter.

I never left your side

If only you could see tomorrow, you’d understand

What I’ve done for you & why.

“As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:9

God is never far from us & he is always working for our good, even when it doesn’t seem like it. Romans 8:28 says that “in all things, God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose”. Because we, as humans, are limited by so much: by time, by our experiences, by our lack of patience  & by peer & cultural pressure, it is very hard for us to see beyond the here and now. But God is outside of time & space and He sees these things. He knows what is best for us, today, tomorrow & each day after that. He is not only interested in providing for us now but for us in the future & for all His children, the same. As His Word says in Isaiah 55:9, “as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” What a great & wonderful God we have who looks after us & provides for our every need and want. Let us learn to trust Him in all circumstances, knowing that our trust is placed in a loving God who prepares all things for us & for our good both now & into the future. 

10 things I'm really looking forward to in Sri Lanka

So, I'm going to Sri Lanka this weekend for one of my best friend's wedding. I've been waiting and longing for this day to come for months. And though it will have a big unimaginable impact on my pain and fatigue levels, I'm really looking forward to it & here's my top 10 reasons why:

10. Some warm weather (just for a change really, even though most probably the humidity will make my pain worse)

9. My gran's cooking - nothing like some good ol' fashioned Lankan cooking - Kiribath, Fish Curry, Brinjal... yum, yum, yum!

8. Travelling alone (this may sound like a weird one as travelling alone is usually more stressful, particularly since carrying my own suitcases will cause me unimaginable pain, but I'm looking forward to being alone for atleast 8 hours straight; 8 hours where I'm not forced to pretend to be ok to stop hurting others feelings; 8 hours where I can blubber when I feel like it and not have the world judge me; 8 hours with no expectations)

7. The elephant orphanage in Pinnewala - I visited this when I was younger and the elephants were so cute!
I absolutely loved it especially their bath time and watching the adorable baby elephants.

6. Giving gifts - Nothing like feeling like Saint Nick for a day, but also it's a good opportunity for me to feel like I am showing that I care and love my friends and family even though I can't spend a lot of time with them because of my fibro.

Half way there.....

5. Seeing my cousins - In all the world, my cousins remind me most of my mum. They are the most loving, caring people you could ever meet and I count each day as a blessing that I get to spend with them.

4. Frien-unions! I get this awesome opportunity to see my friends and best friends whom I haven't seen in 6 years! I'm so excited that I have been telling everyone I can that this will be the highlight of my trip. I feel so lucky and blessed!

3. The fact that I get to be there for my bestie's wedding! I'm so excited that I get to share this wonderful day with her.

2. My other random bestie's sense of humour... She could make a dead chicken laugh. She makes me smile even on my darkest days and let's face it; we all need a friend like that!

And drum roll, please....................

The number 1 thing I am looking forward to is:

1. Being seen & being loved. For the first time in 6 years, I am going to be surrounded by people who knew and loved me, the me I used to be before Fibro took over; People who see the fibro me but also remember who I am on the inside; People who love me despite the zillion ways I fail. Above all, people who can see my heart and soul.

Catch you all once I'm back... :)