Today is a hard day

Are you having a good day? What if you're not? What if today is bleak, and hard, and simply making it out of bed is all you can manage to do? What if you're not sure you have the strength to make it to another day? 

You're not alone if that's you. Today is a hard day for me. And here are some things I am reminding myself of, about God, his purposes and his love for me: 

(1) Jesus is on the throne: It feels like chaos. It feels like I'm falling apart and nothing works. But Jesus has risen from the dead, and is ruling over everything, which means this too is in his control. (Revelation 11:15)

(2) I can lose lots of things, but I can't lose God: Romans 8:35-39 assures me that even the depths of struggles and suffering can't separate from God's love in Christ and :Philippians 1:6 assures me that God will bring me to completion & he can do it with or without my strength. Phew. 

(3) If I breathe, this too shall pass: Because of Jesus and his death and resurrection, and because I call Jesus my Lord & Saviour, this life will be the worst I'll ever have to endure. This madness and suffering has an end, and I will continue to breathe after it. (Revelation 21:1-5)

(4) I am a jar of clay with treasure: My brokenness displays more of God's power & that is glorious. (2 Corinthians 4:7-12, 12:7-10)

What encourages you to keep going, when the pits of darkness overwhelm you? 

It's been a long time coming....

Hi friends,

Sorry for the long delay between posts. As you can probably appreciate, I have been struggling with back-to-back flareups, that have been never-ending!

Still, as we approach the end of another year, there is always hope... Hope that things might get better, hope that we might be stronger & hope that the next year might see us coping & surviving..

Wishing you hope today, no matter what kind of day you are facing.
xo

Lord Today

Ever felt like you want to be someone else, just to remember what it was like to be fibro-free, just to be able to actually tick some things off your list of tasks for a change?

Here's something I wrote a couple of months ago on a day just like that.
Lord, today

Lord, today, could I be somebody else?
Could I leave all this hurt & struggle for behind me?
Lord, could I let go of all that keeps me down
And leave the shackles on the floor where they belong?

Lord, today, could I walk just like the others do?
Today, can I breathe without the tears come crashing down
& reminding me that I'm not free?
All alone to pick all the pieces up.

Lord, today, could I dance & sing praises out to you?
Could I read your Word and think it through?
Could I learn something about you and actually remember it
& be free of this foggy, misty prison cell?

Lord, today, could I spend it with all the ones I love?
Could I be part of the conversation fun?
Could I encourage & spur others on
Without my whole world come crashing down?

Lord, today, could others see the pain that I am in?
Could they love & comfort me just where I am?
Could they sit with me in the darkness
And just hold my hand?

Lord, today, could I serve you like I always could?
Could I go where your work is being done?
Could I share my faith without falling apart
'Coz my brain can't find words to describe who you are?

Lord, today, could my body behave as you made it to be?
Could my brain stop sending me into constant panic?
Could I eat without feeling nauseated
And regretting each bite in the past?

Lord, today, could you stop all the voices calling in my head
Telling me that I'm all alone & out of Your hand
Stripping me of any chance
Of joy or of peace?

Lord, today, could someone in the world know who I am
Who I'd be if in this prison I wasn't placed in to be
Would anyone be able to recognise me
If in heaven, we were to cross paths?

Lord, today, could you help me find a hobby or a task
That wouldn't hurt like I was eating glass
That I could do without tears or fears
And actually find enjoyment at last?

Lord, today, could you touch my eyes so that they are new?
Could you take this light sensitivity away with you?
Could I walk happily in the light once more
Without being punished & forced to be alone?

Lord, today, just for today, could I be somebody else?


(c) 2012

A Letter From Fibromyalgia...

One of my friends from my support group shared this letter with me: 

__________________________________________

Dear Miserable Human Being,

Hi, my name is Fibromyalgia, and I’m an invisible chronic illness. I am now ‘velcroed’ to you for life. Others around you can’t see me or hear me, but YOUR body feels me. I can attack you anywhere and anyway I please. I can cause severe pain, or if I am in a good mood, I can just cause you to ache all over.

Remember when you and Energy ran around together and had fun? I took Energy from you and gave you Exhaustion. Just try to have fun now! I also took Good Sleep from you and in its place gave you Fibro Fog (a.k.a.) Brain Fog. I can make you tremble internally or make you feel cold or hot when everyone else feels normal. Oh yeah, I can make you feel anxious or depressed, too. If you have something planned, or are looking forward to a great day, I can take that away too. 

You didn’t ask for me. I chose you for various reasons: that virus you had that you never quite recovered from, or that car accident, or childbirth, the death of a loved one, or maybe it was those years of abuse and trauma. Well, anyway, I’m here to stay! I hear you’re going to see a doctor who can get rid of me. I’m ‘ROFL’ (rolling on the floor laughing)! Just try! You will have to go to many, many doctors until you find one who can help you effectively. In fact, you’ll see many doctors who tell you ‘it’s all in your head’ (or some version of that). If you do find a doctor willing to treat this ‘non-disease’, you will be put on pain pills, sleeping pills, and energy pills. You will be told you are suffering from anxiety or depression, given a TENS unit, told if you just sleep and exercise properly, I will go away. You’ll be told to think positively, poked, prodded, and most of all, you will not be taken seriously when you cry to the doctor how debilitating life is for you every single day!

Your family, friends, and coworkers will all listen to you until they just get tired of hearing about how I make you feel, and that I’m a debilitating disease. Some of them will say things like “Oh, you’re just having a bad day”, or “Well, remember, you can’t expect to do the things you used to do 20 years ago,” not hearing that you said “20 DAYS ago”! Some will just start talking behind your back, while you slowly feel that you are losing your dignity, trying to make them understand, especially when you are in the middle of a conversation with a ‘normal’ person, and can’t remember what you were going to say next!

In closing, you’ve probably figured out that the ONLY place you will get any real support and understanding in dealing with me is with Other People with Fibromyalgia! They are the only ones that will understand your complaints of unrelenting pain, insomnia, fibro fog, the inability to perform the everyday tasks that ‘normal people’ take for granted.

Remember, I’m stuck to you like Velcro – and I expect we’ll be together for the rest of your life.

(C) Angela Debono

_____________________________________________________________________________________

As I was reading it, I was struck greatly by how much my life & experience with pain resonate truly in these words. And yet, this letter has no place to end except without hope. For without God, there cannot be hope. 

As Christians, we know that the end is not depending on people who cannot or will not come through for you. The end is that God, himself, will come to you. He, himself, will make his home with you. He, himself, will be your strength, your joy and your eternal companion. 

And the Fibro-Monster (as we sometimes like to call it) does not have the final victory.. Though we may be together for the rest of our lives, we will not be together for all eternity. The Fibro Monster may think he has won, but the truth is that God has complete victory over him and his days are numbered and drawing very close to their end...

I dream.......

Today, I want to share with you something quite personal. To give you a bit of background, I wrote this when I had just started back at work (part-time), my health was still really difficult & I was feeling totally overwhelmed by everyone's expectations of me to be fine just because I looked it & of course, their resulting disappointing looks when I couldn't run with them to catch the train or climb up the stairs instead of the escalator.
God encouraged me during this time, to remember that this world is not perfect. In fact, it is not even good. Like Paul says, we as Christians, along with all creation, are groaning with expectation for the new world, the new heavens and the new earth God has made for his people.

Hope this encourages you,as you groan with expectation for God's world, to keep hoping & to keep your hope in God.

I dream (c) 2012
I dream of a new world,
A place far better than this;
Somewhere with no pain.
I dream of an age with sun
That doesn't blind,
And light that doesn't burn
A morning that gives birth to life, not agony
A day that doesn't strip
A year's worth of life from each.

I dream of a time when people look at me
And see who I am, not just how I look;
A place that accepts just me
Not my lists of dones & yet-do's,
Where people stop looking enough to see
the tears in my heart,
And the broken pieces in my hand.

I dream of an age when the weak & poor are no more,
When man considers each other as brothers, not strangers
When love lasts and endures
And a reaching hand finds a lasting heart.

I dream of a world where war is behind us,
Where fear & hate are not our sole dictators,
Where pride can only be read of in books
And natural disasters are buried with the dinosaurs.

I dream of a place that speaks
And revels in pure joy;
One with smiles & laughter
Ear to ear.
I dream of passion & zeal
Directed at the true maker
Where faith is applauded instead of ridiculed
And hearts are bound to sleeves.

I dream of a world where thoughts are shared,
Over more than social media or blogs;
Where each listen more than speaks,
One where rights are not more costly than Armani
I dream of perfection, not in deed but heart.

You may think I'm silly
A fool clinging to worthless ideas.
My world doesn't exist yet
No matter how hard I try.
You can scoff
Say that I'll be alone forever
That may be true
But I can still dream
And one day my dreams will come true
That is a promise, from me to you.

Till then, I wish to sleep.
If only, just to dream.

"But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have?" Romans 8:24b