Weight Lifting Champion

People sometimes ask me, why do you look so stressed? Why are concentrating so hard that you look like you are frowning? 

Answer: Because I'm using all my energy to ignore a multitude of pain; On top of that, I'm working just like you are...I have the weight of the world on my back.. If you don't believe me, try carrying it yourself & you'll look like me too.. 

Thank God that while we may feel like this, we have a God who holds the hold world together and asks us to lovingly cast our cares and concerns on him that we might find relief.

"Throw all your worry on God, because He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7

Fibro Myth #6: It's all in your head!

How many times have you heard either a doctor or a friend tell you that your fibro is all in your head? That if only you focused on something else, the pain would just disappear. If you've been sick for a while, chances are you've probably heard this atleast a couple of times.

Unfortunately, friends, some people treat us this way, and perhaps even more shockingly, some doctors treat us this way too. If you're not a chronic pain sufferer, you may not understand the impact of hearing such a statement - Imagine this. You find out you have a brain tumour. It's fairly serious. It's causing your cells to mutate and your muscle functions to be disrupted. You go to your doctor & show him the scans and explain. This is what he says:

You're probably laughing now, but is our fibromyalgia any different. Most researchers and doctors agree that fibromyalgia is caused by a change in the neurological system which causes our brains to perceive pain differently. So technically, yes, just like a tumour, it's all in our head. But what difference does that make? Just like you wouldn't ignore a tumour just because it's in your head, so it is with our fibromyalgia. Only a fool would walk around with a tumour, simply trying to push through it! And yet, that is what a lot of people tell us to do.. Friends, do not get caught up in trying to "push" through and simply survive. Take steps to help yourself, seek assistance and pursue treatments and strategies. 

Sure, the fibromyalgia is in your head (ie. brain), but that doesn't make it any less real or painful. 

Unexpected delays & joys....

It has been about a month since my last post.. and apologies to all for that..
I have no other explanation for it except my lovely buddy, fibro..After a horribly difficult exam experience, followed by immense levels of pain & busyness, culminating in an interstate trip, my body had no spoons to maintain blogging..

But such is the life of a fibromite & in some ways, us all... Life never is a straight line; Strength comes and it goes.. and we sit strapped in the ride, ready to confront it all..

Having said that, life has had some good turns in the past month:

1. I have officially been put on the first set of working pain medications for my condition - I feel like the clock has turned backwards for me. On a good day, I have 50% less pain! 50% - that's huge for me! On a bad day, it's only a little relief, but it's still more relief than if I didn't have the pain killers... So what are these new wonder drugs you ask? They are Lyrica and Cymbalta. If you've never heard of these or you have not been previously prescribed pain medications for your fibro, it's worth having a chat to your GP about them - there are side effects and it is NOT PBS-covered so it is fairly pricey, but if it brings relief, it will probably be worth it.

2. My horrible exam experience which I mentioned earlier.. Today, there emerged a silver lining: I found out that I passed the exam! Hurrah! In some small way, the struggle & pain accomplished something - what a relief!

3. God has yet been faithful! Despite the ups and downs, and the crazy levels of pain and fatigue, he has been with me through it all. He has even restored some friendships and relationships for which I previously had no energy to pursue. He has strengthened old bonds and created new ones.

I don't know where your life is at today - Maybe you're enjoying the wind in your hair as you rise to new heights or maybe you're plummeting down the ride. Either way, hold on to your God and he will guide you through and be faithful to you!

"I delight in the Lord, 

my soul rejoices in my God.

For he has clothed me with garments of salvation

and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness."

Isaiah 61:10

Fibro Myth #4: I know the feeling, I get tired too!

Ever heard your family or friends or colleagues scoff when you tell them you're exhausted? Do they say, "yea, me too"? Do you feel like you're a dead man/woman walking?

Source

Unfortunately, for most people, having fibromyalgia also means battling extreme chronic fatigue symptoms. Chronic pain and fatigue often occur together - as many as three in four people with chronic, widespread musculoskeletal pain report having fatigue; and as many as 94 percent of people with chronic fatigue syndromes report muscle pain.

Being fatigued is different from just being tired. According to Dr Karin Olson, a University of Alberta professor (Faculty of Nursing), individuals who are tired still have a fair bit of energy, so although they may feel forgetful, and impatient, and experience gradual heaviness or weakness in muscles following work, this is often alleviated by rest. Fatigue, on the other hand, is characterized by difficulty concentrating, anxiety, a gradual decrease in stamina, difficulty sleeping, increased sensitivity to light and the limiting of social activities once viewed as important. Individuals with exhaustion report frank confusion that resemble delirium, emotional numbness, sudden loss of energy, difficulty both in staying awake and in sleeping and complete social withdrawal.

Unlike tiredness, long-term use of caffeine and other stimulants are generally avoided or minimised by people experiencing fatigue and exhaustion, as these substances "fool" the body into thinking it has more energy available than it really does.

So as helpful as your friends and family are trying to be with their comments, the fatigue/exhaustion suffered by chronically ill is actually not the same as tiredness. We, too, struggle with tiredness, when we are  extremely busy etc but we struggle with fatigue too, which is by far more sinister than the tiredness.

Remembering to Grieve

One important thing to remember as a chronically ill sufferer is to remember to grieve & grieve often. Why, you ask? We need to grieve for the loss of health, the effect it takes on our relationships, the loss of friends, loves & family, the loss of serving & extra curricular involvement, the loss of work or study...& so much more..

When I first became ill, I used to push through. I thought that being a survivor meant, that I should long for better days & keep working harder. I thought that when dark days pushed me down, I should shove it & strive harder to reach the goal. I was wrong.

Acceptance is the goal, not Performance. But unlike most other goals in life, you might notice that even after you reach acceptance, you might fall back into denial. That is natural, and a normal part of what we go through. So don't beat yourself up when you fall back & definitely don't attempt to rush through the phases. Take each step as it comes & be content to sit wherever your station for the day is.

So, what are these steps, you ask:

1. Denial

Believe it or not, denial is always the first stage. You will start off at denial, no matter how much you try to deny it. At this station, the world feels hopeless & overwhelming. It's where you stop moving, because you don't know where to go. You might find yourself, pushing hard to retain all the activities of your old life, hoping to reach that brink point, where you wake up and find it's all been a dream.



2. Anger 

This station, involves screaming, bitterness, hurt and rage. It might end up being directed at friends, family, doctors, randoms and even God. It includes both the outrage that such injustice could occur as well as the effect of your ill health on your life.
Some people skip the anger stage, but it's substitute is often just as difficult, Blame. Blame convinces you that there must be something that you've done that has caused this pain. There must be some ulterior motive. Blame forces you to retreat and wander through all your past actions for the source of all of your pain.


3. Bargaining

Bargaining is  where you try anything & everything to return to normal. You try & make deals with God - I'll give more money if you take it away. I'll never sin again. I'll study harder. I won't watch TV. Please. Just take it away. 

If your step 2 has been blame, then bargaining is where we make rectifying actions, in hopes that we can somehow earn our way back from suffering.


4. Depression

This step is where you start to realise that things are not going to change. It's where you finally feel the full effect of your illness & how much it's going to or has already taken from your life. It's where you realise how all your dreams, friends, work etc have been plucked out of your hand. Everything has changed.
This is often the stage where we might explore the bigger questions, like why is there pain & suffering in the first place?
Depression is an extremely important part of your grief. It is impossible to skip this stage. You'll often find that people around you, might not be willing to hear your deepest, darkest thoughts. For instance, I've thought so many times about dying, willing to die, wanting to die and begging for death. No matter how dark your thoughts get in this depression, try not to feel guilty about it.
The most important thing in this step is to find a healthy way to express your grief. Most people find a creative outlet to do this - some paint, others knit. I write poems; Truthfully, I only really write poems when I'm in this stage. It's the best way for me to acknowledge those thoughts as real feelings, express them to God and get them out of my head. You need to find a way to do that for yourself. It doesn't need to be pretty. It doesn't even need to be shared with anyone.

5. Acceptance

This isn't being okay with your illness. Most people never really feel good about suffering. It is about accepting that this is how life is and is going to be for the present. It's accepting the impact of your health on your relationships. It's accepting that you cannot work anymore or can only do part-time. It's realising and letting go of the dreams that your old self held. It's allowing yourself to live with this reality.


Remember, on any given day, you could be in any one of these stages. As a chronically ill sufferer, particularly as one with a complicated, misunderstood illness, you'll find yourself regularly going through these cycles. Once you start to recognise which step you are in, you'll find that you beat yourself up less about the feelings that are only natural to have. Sometimes, you'll reach acceptance within a couple of days, sometimes it might take months or years. Don't forget - it's not a race; so feel free to pace yourself.

And remember, you are not alone. Even if every single one of the people in your life abandons you in your time of distress, your God will never abandon you. He'll walk with you through every one of these stages; that's His promise to you.

"Listen to me, O house of Jacob,

all who remain of the house of Israel,

you whom I have upheld since you were conceived,

and have carried since your birth.

Even to your old age and gray hairs,

I am he, I am he who will sustain you.

I have made you and I will carry you. 

I will sustain you and I will rescue you."    

Isaiah 46:3-4

Jesus help me...

I got this prayer from one of my best friends & I thought it was quite beautiful so I want to share it with you:

Jesus help me

In every need, let me come to you with humble trust,
Jesus help me!

In all my doubts, perplexities and temptations,
Jesus help me!

In hours of loneliness, weariness and trials,
Jesus help me!

In the failure of my plans and hopes,
In disappointments, troubles and sorrow,
Jesus help me!

When others fail me,
And your grace alone can assist me,
Jesus help me!

When my heart is cast down by failure,
At seeing no good come from my efforts,
Jesus help me!

When I feel impatient and my cross irritates me,
Jesus help me!

When I am ill,
And my head and hands cannot work,
And I am lonely,
Jesus help me!

Always, always, in spite of weakness, falls and shortcomings of every kind,
Jesus help me!
And never forsake me, Amen!

Enduring through tough emotions...

Do you ever feel alone in your suffering? Do you ever feel like your invisible? Like no one in the world seems to be able or willing to see your pain? Like no one is there to hold your hand through it all?

If you feel any of these things, let me encourage you first by saying, "You are not alone." What you are feeling is actually a very normal part of life, life as a Christian, and especially life as a chronically ill person. But what do you do about it? How do you stop the thoughts from becoming paranoia, from sapping every happiness out of you and leaving you high & dry?

1. Grieve & Give it to God

This is an important step. It sucks that you have to face your struggle alone. It feels unjust and unfair. You need to find a way to let those feelings out. Unspoken feelings are a powerful tool of the devil, to grow doubt, break apart relationships and to ultimately, steer us away from God. Grieving is a must and important process that must happen. The more you struggle, the more you should grieve. Part of why we hate feeling like this is because we were made for perfect relationships. We were not designed for this broken world. Injustice affects us so, partially because it's deplorable and causes us pain but mostly, because it reminds us that this world is not right; that things should be better; It makes our whole beings (body & spirit) crave for God's perfection - for the world that is to come.

Each one of us has a preferred way to grieve so I can't really tell you how to grieve. I write poems/songs to help express the brokenness I am feeling. Some people paint, some write, and others talk to the walls. No method is any better than the other. For other suggestions, click here.

The only sure-fire way to stop unspoken hurt from resulting in roots of bitterness is to talk about it with God. Let him deal with it. In 1 Peter 5:7, Peter tells us to cast all our cares on God because he cares for us. In Psalm 55:22, the psalmist encourages us to cast all our cares on the Lord and he will sustain us. Truly, the best way to survive and to survive well as a Christian through struggles is to cast on the Lord, knowing that He is big enough to hold & deal with whatever life has thrown our way.

2. Gently remind yourself of Jesus

When Jesus walked this earth, he experienced suffering like no other. He found himself isolated from his followers, his fans and his family. When he needed others the most, no one was there for Him. Read more about this here.

3. Remind yourself this is a step in the right direction towards being conformed to Christ's likeness. 

Remember some of Jesus' words before His death: "A servant is not greater than His master. If they persecuted me, they will persecute me also." When you feel ignored in your suffering, when no one listens to your pain, when you're overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death, know that Jesus suffered as you did (& more) and you wear a badge of honour from your Saviour himself to show that you share in His sufferings. If the goal is to be more like Christ until we are carried on to completion, then this struggle is definitely one more step in the right direction. Read more here. 

I pray that you might survive today's storm & that it might be credited to your righteousness.  

If they did it to me, they'll do it to you...

"Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed." 

1 Peter 4:12-13

Source

Peter writes this letter to encourage Christians in Asia-Minor who are struggling under the weight of persecution. But it applies just as much to persecution as it does to any struggles we face as aliens and strangers of this world and children of God.

Peter tells them of three main things:

1. As Christians, you can expect to suffer.

That's it, you heard me right. If you are a Christian, you will suffer. Your suffering may be in different forms and in varying degrees but I can pretty much guarantee that if you live long enough as a Christian, your walk will include suffering. Why? Don't take my word for it. Remember some of Jesus' words before His death: "A servant is not greater than His master. If they persecuted me, they will persecute me also." And earlier on, “If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first." The world hated Jesus. The world mocked him, tortured him and put him to death. As Christians in 2012, our world is not yet brought under Jesus' rule. Until the day that he returns, we can expect to suffer. This includes persecution and mocking all the way to diseases and sicknesses from the effect that sin has had on this world. 

2. Your suffering will test you

Has anyone ever seen that episode of Friends, where Rachel gives birth to Emma. As she waits in her share-room for her 10cm dilation, she finds every other woman that walks into her room going into labour before her. One such woman is an Asian woman (I forget what her name was). As Rachel is struggling through the pain of her contraction, this woman gets a contraction too. Only hers lasts about a second, causes her to frown a little and then bounce back to normal. As you can imagine, Rachel is furious. 

Sometimes, I think we are a little bit like the Asian woman. We're okay with suffering, as long as it doesn't hurt. Well friends, suffering that doesn't hurt, that doesn't test us & stretch us is no suffering at all. That's like talking about a vegetarian lion or a unisex human - it's just impossible. 

The good news is that while suffering will test us, God promises us two things:

• He will never abandon us through it. In fact, he won't ever leave our side.
• Our suffering will refine us, not destroy us, because nothing can separate us from our God.

3. When you suffer, you are sharing in Christ's sufferings. Thus, when he is rewarded you will share in his rewards. 

Since we are God's children & co-heirs with Christ and since He lives in us, when we suffer, we share in Christ's sufferings. We don't minimise them but we experience something of what Christ suffered & are able to show others something of what Christ suffered for them on the cross. But it doesn't end there, when Christ is rewarded, when all things come under his feet, when he resurrects all his people to live with him forever, we share in his glory too. We share in his reward of eternal life & we share in God's love for us through him. 

So, the next time things get hard, remind yourself of this:

1. Suffering is not unexpected. In fact, it is the norm

2. Suffering is going to hurt & test you

3. Your suffering is part of Christ's suffering. When you are in agony or feel ignored in your suffering, when no one listens to your pain, when you're overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death, know that Jesus suffered as you did (& more) and you wear a badge of honour from your Saviour himself to show that you share in His sufferings. If the goal is to be more like Christ until we are carried on to completion, then today's struggle is definitely one more step in the right direction.

Raise some awareness!

There are some really key things coming up in chronic illness saga that is our lives, so check them out!

1. International Fibromyalgia / ME / CFS Awareness Day - Saturday, 12th May
I read somewhere that this day was chosen as it is Florence Nightingale's birthday, who was believed to have these illnesses. I don't know if that's true, though.

Either way, get on board! Whether, you are a sufferer, carer or you know someone who has one of the above, wear purple to show your support. To take extra advantage of this day, here's some ideas:

• Give a gentle hug to someone you know who has these illnesses or bake them a cake
• Spend a day listening to them & doing what they can enjoy without too much pain
• Write to your local MP to make them aware that one of the 3-6% of the population who struggles with these illnesses lives in their locality. 
• Share this post & use your social media to let others know of this condition
• Share this video made by a fibro sufferer in honour of the day:

2. National Pain Week

This week, organised by Chronic Pain Australia, is mainly centred around three events:

• a one-day conference in Canberra on 25th July titled "The Culture of Pain". 
• 10,000 faces of pain - showing real people struggling with chronic pain
• An Art Competition to raise awareness for chronic illness     See more details here. 

This website also has access to research programs on chronic pain if you're interested to help with that.

3. Here's another really helpful video on Pain - by Chronic Pain Australia

Love always :)

Lay off some of that pride juice!

Sorry, dear friends but I've been hit with a triple whammie of pain, fatigue and deadlines over the past week & I am only just surfacing back up, so here's something I wrote on Monday night, but never got a chance to post:

Today was a rough day & I was not expecting to be able to post anything tonight, but then as I got on the train home, God really reminded me of something important to share with you all. So here it goes:

I got on a train in the city & after only a couple of stations, a beautiful woman walked into the train. I remember, I only noticed her because her face reminded me of a colleague and friend of mine. She looked elegant & graceful. As she pulled her leg into the train, there was a thud, & before I knew it, she was on the floor, cursing and screaming.

A couple of kind gentleman helped her up to a seat while the train sped by completely obliviously to this woman's pain. (right now, you're probably thinking, what's so special about this story.. I promise, I have a point.. so read on...)

As the woman's pain eased, she started to explain what happened. She'd sprained her ankle & torn her ligament the month before. It had healed mostly but her doctor told her to be careful until it was 100% better. It still hurt her so she had been limping around for the month, & now that she'd sprained it again, she thought she'd probably torn it again. As my gaze turned to her feet, I finally noticed them - her high-heeled boots!

It really got me thinking, "What would possess someone with a torn ligament to walk around in heels? Surely that would be an acceptable excuse to wear thongs."

As I was dwelling on these thoughts, I felt the gentle nudge of God's Spirit remind me of this: Wasn't it, not too long ago, that you'd still wear heels, some days at work, parties and even walk around the city with them? Does it not seem reasonable for a person who's struggling to stand up to wear flats and not heels?

Now, I'm not advocating that we all chain ourselves to our beds because we are too ill to do anything. But the question we must ask ourselves is 'Why push so hard in the first place? What are we really working towards?' For you, it may not be your heels; It may not be the clothes you wear or your ability to help other people. Maybe it's choosing to push yourself to the point where your life looks no different to a healthy person, except that you can't sleep because of the pain you worked all day to ignore. Let me ask it again, 'What are you working towards? Is what your pursuing worth the agony that you put your body through to get there?'

Friends, both my fellow chronic sufferers as well as those that journey with us, let's work a little harder at taking care of ourselves. By pushing ourselves hard, we may reach our aimed prize, but what good is it to reach there only to drop dead and not be able to reap the benefit. Let's pace ourselves and let's keep our eyes fixed on what's really important & what will never fade away or cease; Let's keep our eyes focused on God.

I guess it's true what they say: pride definitely goes before a fall.

Combating the Blues

I warn you: the following post is not full of encouraging happiness. For those of you who do not struggle with chronic illness & the resulting social isolation, it is extremely likely you will find this post offensive or somewhat un-Christian. But I know that my fellow chronic survivors out there can relate, because you’ve probably all felt this, probably more than once already….

Today is a day of blues.. & no I don’t mean, a day of melancholic music, but a day of increasing sadness.

This week funnily enough, even though it was a shorter week, has truly felt like at least a year of my life. And today once again, I find myself in much the same place I was when I started thinking about this blog:  alone, desperate to help others who feel this pain; desperate to help myself when I feel this pain.

Today, I watched the world around me go about their business; I watched them enjoy their weekend, while I sat in pain trying desperately to survive; to do at least one task on my to-do-list. You'd think I'd be used to this by now. Then again, you’d think that someone would have sat by my side or given me a hug, but no.

I felt somewhat like I had accidentally clicked the “Invisible” button on GChat & made the world unable to see me anymore. Today I sat alone.

Over this past week, I have been surrounded by constant reminders of my failings: from my family, colleagues & friends: about how my feelings & illness interrupt with their plans, about how my health just brings the party down & ruins the mood & today, I watched everyone I care about scurry away from me, because I wore that sad, pained expression on my face & did not have the strength to hide it.

“My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.” Matthew 26:39

God really got me thinking that Good Friday & Easter was not too long ago (even if it feels like a century has passed since). It was not too long ago that we remembered Jesus sitting in the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus dying on a cross & rising again!

So today, I’m embracing the loneliness. I’m letting the tears run free.  I’m accepting that I’m sitting in the Garden of Gethsemane and though, I want my closest allies to stay awake & pray with me, there are nowhere to be seen when I truly need them. Today, all I have is God. Today, all I want is to be free of this, but what I ask for is “not my will, but yours Lord.” 

Fibro-Whaaaat?

Do you ever feel like no one really understand what it's like to have fibromyalgia? Even if you find someone who's interested to hear you out, do you feel like you're fumbling with your words to find a way to help the other person understand?

Well, I definitely do not claim to be the expert on this one, but here's a few links & ideas to try out. Perhaps, this will give you somewhere to start from:

A Day in the Life of Us
The spoon theory is written for lupus, so a fellow fibro-sufferer came up with the straw theory, but I think both are somewhat useful to explain life with a chronic illness:
Spoon Theory (Lupus): Christine Miserandino's Spoon Theory
Straw Theory (Fibro): Jayde Dow's Straw Theory 

Helping You & Others Understand Fibro
Understanding Fibromyalgia - Common Ways to Explain Your Illness
What is Fibromyalgia - MediBrain
Helpful Technical Articles - Lewis Institute Library
Living with Fibromyalgia - Arthritis Victoria

Helpful Ways to Combat Your Illness
10 Things to Stop Yourself from Doing
Coping with Fibromyalgia - FMT News

Helpful Books to Read
This is a tough one & so far I've only found one book that's been helpful & unbiased.
Living with Fibromyalgia - Christine Craiggs-Hinton

Suggestions on Doctors in Melbourne
Dr Daniel Lewis
The Fibro Clinic, Monash Medical Centre, Clayton

Support Groups
Fibromyalgia Melbourne Facebook Support Group - this is one I'm a part of & am finding really supportive
Fibromyalgia Peer Support Groups - Arthritis Victoria

Unfortunately, there is a lot of mis-information about Fibro and other chronic illnesses out there so don't believe everything you read. I've had a look at the links above & they appear to be legit.

I hope this post has been helpful. I'll try to keep updating this post with any new links I find.
Feel free to message me or comment on this post, if you've found other links, books or information that's been helpful to you. I'll be more than happy to include them in this blog to help others out too!

Express yourself!

When life gets us down, it's really easy to get frustrated. But for the most part, something good happens which eases some of that frustration away. When you're chronically ill, sometimes the frustrating events pile up one on top of another & it seems like something good is miles away. This builds up, until you find yourself exploding at a family member or crying over a piece of paper on the floor.

Friends, the best advice I can give you is this: Find a creative outlet to express your frustrations, hurt & pain into. Some of you might be thinking, "But you don't know me. I'm not creative at all. I can't even draw!". Truthfully, it doesn't have to be technically creative; just a healthy way to get rid of some of your frustration so that it doesn't overwhelm you and burst out.

Here's some practical suggestions I've come up with (& no, they don't all work for me):
1. If you are able to exercise, perhaps go for a walk or a run (only up to your physical ability). I am currently not able to do this one.
2. If one of your passions or hobbies does not cause you too much pain, then do that. For eg), if you knit, knit a row or if you are artistic, draw or paint a picture.
3. If you are not creative at all, take a piece of paper. Grab a good sturdy pen & scribble all over the paper. Cover ever inch harder & harder and harder until the paper rips up. Trust me, it sounds weird, but it helps. Another variation of this would be tearing up the paper / putting it through a shredder.
4. Try something monotonous, like throwing a ball on the wall. Focus your frustration on the ball & just go crazy!
5. Cry. Crying is actually better than laughing at getting rid of frustration & hurt. If you can't cry on demand, watch a really sad or heart breaking movie. For me, 'The Notebook' always makes me cry.
6. Laugh. Watch a comedy & laugh. Laughing is not as effective as crying for me, but it's still pretty good at easing some of that tension away.
7. If you are creative, you may choose to write a poem, or a story, or a song.
8. If you are into photography, go around your neighbourhood, a park or your house, & take pictures that identify with how you feel or how you want to feel.
9. Write about your feelings and thoughts in a diary.
10. Catchup with a friend / family member & tell them about it. Be careful with this one, as meeting with a person & sharing your struggles might be quite emotionally draining.
11. Finally, one of the best ones is talk to God. Yell at him. Cry at him. Whinge to him. Whatever you are feeling, just give it to Him. Remember, God wants to be in relationship with us. He's not content to just be part of our good times. He wants all of us, our difficulties, our struggles, our shames as well as our good times, funny incidents & moments of praise. Give it to God; trust me, He's big enough to deal with whatever is going through your mind. If you're feeling up to it, you might choose to pray and ask God to help ease some of these frustrations too.

Hope that helps! Remember, if you fail & lash out, just take a deep breath & try again next time!

Ps - If you're anything like me, you've probably got Madonna's 'Express Yourself' song stuck in your head now. I'm going to go listen to it now :)

God says always be, not always do!

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God"
Ephesians 2:8


Do you ever hear friends, family or even yourself ask the question, "What have you been doing?"
If you're anything like me, you find that to be a very stressful question. I feel guilty to say, 'nothing'. I feel weak to say 'I've just been trying to survive". 


Our society places a lot of pressure on us to do. Holidays need to be planned. Weekends need to be busy. Events need to be organized, goals met & promotions achieved. As a chronic pain sufferer, it can be debilitating & frustrating to not be able to 'do'. Sometimes, trying to 'do' is the very thing that breaks us down & pushes us into yet another pain spiral. 


If you're struggling with something like this, dear friends, take heart. I urge you & encourage you not to let this thought pattern slip into your relationship with God. Remember we are not saved by works but by faith alone. While we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8). 
There is definitely a lot in the Bible about how we should live our lives, that much is true. But our faith, our maturity in Christ and God's love for us is not measured by us & what we can do. It's measured by how much we fall short of God but yet, are loved & saved completely only because of Jesus. 


The world may want you to do & do & do. But more importantly, God wants you to be... To be his daughter / son, to be a sinner in need of a forgiving, loving & just God & to be whatever he has called you to be in your current circumstances. 
If I stop to think about the people who have been most influential in my faith, to those who've challenged & inspired me most, they are usually completely unaware of their depth of the effect of their ministry to me & after years of faith, they definitely still see themselves just as they were when God first found them - sinners desperate for relationship with our loving, just & merciful God. 


Friends, if today is a really tough day for you, just 'be'. Leave the 'doing' up to God. He's much better at it anyway.