Don't Waste Your Illness

Do you want to live your life well? Do you want to live how God wants you to live in the midst of your illness / suffering? Well, here are a few thoughts that might be helpful for you as you seek to do this.
The following has been adapted from John Piper's "Don't Waste Your Cancer". 

1. You will waste your illness if you do not believe it is designed for you by God. 
Illness can sharpen your awareness of how thoroughly God has already and has always been at work in every detail of your life.

2. You will waste your illness if you believe it is a curse and not a gift. 
Your faith becomes deep & real and your love becomes purposeful and wise.

3. You will waste your illness if you seek comfort from your odds rather than from God. 
The aim of God in our illness is to knock props out from under our hearts so that we might rely utterly on Him. We are 100% certain and Christ is 100% certain to meet us, to come for us, to comfort us and to restore life's purest joys.

4. You will waste your illness if you refuse to think about death. 
We will all die, if Jesus postpones his coming. Our illness is a down payment on our inevitable death.

5. You will waste your illness if you think that 'beating illness' means staying alive rather than cherishing Christ.
Satan's and God's design in your cancer are not the same. Satan designs to destroy your love for Christ. God designs to deepen your love for Christ. Illness doesn't win if you die; it wins if you fail to cherish Christ.

6. You will waste your illness if you spend too much time reading about your illness and not enough time reading about God. 
This is true in terms of what you talk about as well. So tell people openly about your sickness, seek their prayers and counsel, but then change the direction of the conversation by telling them what God is faithfully doing to sustain you with ten thousand mercies.

7. You will waste your illness if you let it drive you into solitude instead of deepen your relationships with manifest affection. 

8. You will waste your illness if you grieve as those who don't have hope. 

9. You will waste your illness if you treat sin as casually as you did before. 
Illness is designed to destroy the appetite for sin.

10. You will waste your illness if you fail to use it as a means of witness to the truth and glory of Christ.
Your illness is a golden opportunity to show that Christ is worth more than life.

May God help both you & me use our illness well, that he might be given the most glory and that together, one day, we might be presented blameless & holy, a sacrifice fragrant and pleasing to our God.

An Easter Poem

My Lord, I did not choose You

John 15:16

Josiah Conder (1789-1855)

My Lord, I did not choose you

For that could never be;

My heart would still refuse you

Had you not chosen me.

You took the sin that stained me,

You cleansed me, made me new,

For you, Lord, had ordained me,

that I should live in You.

Unless your grace had called me

and taught my opening mind,

the world would have enthralled me

to heavenly glories blind.

My heart knows none above You,

for You I long, I thirst

and know that, if I love You,

Lord, You have loved me first.

Happy Easter New Year!!

Dear friends,

I hope you have had a blessed and most wonderful Easter.
Personally, I love Easter. It is definitely my favourite Christian holiday. What could compare to the amazing God has given me & you in Jesus through his death & resurrection - a restored relationship with God & an eternity with Him!

But this year, I have loved it for a second reason; I have loved it because it marks a new year for me! To be honest, 2012 did not start well for me. When January 1st 2012 dawned, I was greeted heartily with a mighty run of migraines, worsened levels of pain, increased inability to sleep and a quiet assurance that I was not going to survive the year to come. It was one of the roughest points of my life. Not to mention the fact that I ended up in the hospital on the 2nd with palpitations and an inability to breathe properly.

Things have improved since then. Not necessarily because I am better but more so, because since then, I have not even attempted to survive a day without God's strength. Therefore, Easter 2012 marks the start of something new for me: It marks the resolution & decision to never live another day except through God's strength and to be reliant & dependant on him fully (100%) with every day that follows! 

The world hates being dependant and reliant. I have heard a multitude of family, friends and doctors, even the one from my hospital incident above, tell me that I need to be more independent and take more things into my control & hand. That if do not do so, my mental health would be in serious danger. And I have had to think seriously about this issue. But God tells us otherwise. God tells us that we are to be reliant and dependant on Him. And in some ways this is one of the greatest lessons that God strives to teach us through our suffering.

"Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but God, who raises the dead."                                                           
2 Corinthians 1:9

Jesus relied on God. Though his suffering was great, indeed it was the most horrific greatest suffering that will ever be, he committed his spirit into his Father's hands. He said not my will, but yours.


So, let's strive together, for the rest of the year, whether weak or suffering, whether broken or whole, whether suffering or celebrating, that we might rely fully & 100% on God to survive & do anything that He has called us to do. Happy Easter New Year! :)

Suffering well: worth its weight in gold!

Is it possible for us to praise God while we are suffering? Absolutely!! 

Since I began to be ill, I've been on the hunt for any good resources to help as I thought about & lived through my chronic pain struggles. I haven't found any as good as this one! 

John Piper & all the other contributors bring a fresh understanding to the purpose and presence of suffering, both from a theological, Biblical perspective as well as a practical, well-suffered perspective. I found this to be a good mix of head & heart. Definitely well worth a read if you are suffering yourself. There is no necessity to read this book chronologically so if you are currently struggling with cognitive difficulties, I'd recommend you start with chapters 7 through to 9. These are personal accounts from people who've suffered a fair bit in their lives. As I read it, I found myself constantly saying, "Yes, yes, that's me. That's exactly what I've been thinking or feeling." 

Even if you aren't suffering at this current moment, this book is well worth a read in preparation for the suffering that is inevitable for all humans this side of heaven & also as a useful glimpse into what those who are suffering around you might be feeling / thinking. 

Praise God that even as we suffer, we do not suffer alone & that we can benefit from the wisdom, prayers and struggles of those who have suffered before us & that we, ourselves, can then share this comfort we have received with those who will suffer after us. 

For a free copy or a chance to glance through some of the book, refer to the Desiring God website. 

Find Comfort in God

I found this beautiful hymn that is written as a source of comfort to those who suffer. The author is unknown. But it is clear from the words that he/she has suffered greatly but that God is their source & foundation! May He be yours too..

How Firm a Foundation

How firm a foundation, you saints of the Lord,
is laid for your faith in his excellent Word!
What more can he say than to you he has said,
to you for refuge to Jesus have fled.

"Fear not, I am with you, O be not dismayed;
for am I your God and will still give you aid;
I'll strengthen you, help you and cause you to stand,
Upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand."

"When through the deep waters I call you to go,
the rivers of sorrow shall not overflow
for I will be with you, your troubles to bless,
and sanctify to you your deepest distress."

"When through fiery trials your pathway shall lie,
my grace, all sufficient, shall be your supply;
the flame shall not hurt you; I only design
your dross to consume and your gold to refine."

"E'en down to old age all my people shall prove
my sovereign, eternal, unchangeable love;
and when hoary hairs shall their temples adorn
like lambs they shall still in my bosom be borne."

"The soul that on Jesus has leaned for repose,
I will not, I will not desert to his foes;
that soul, though all hell should endeavour to shake,
I'll never, no never, no never forsake."

Source: "Suffering & the Sovereignty of God" 

If you'd like to know how to sing this hymn, click here to listen via YouTube (note: this version skips verse 5).

Hakuna Matata!

"Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." 
Matthew 6:33-34

To be honest, I am one of the world's biggest worriers (not to be confused with warriors, of course).
If it was one thing I was most accomplished at since I was a kid, it was worrying. I worried about grades, what people thought of me, but also about what my grandkids would be like, how I wanted to be buried & what I would do if I became victim to a hurricane. If there was a Noble prize for worrying, I'm sure to have been nominated.

Since I became a follower of Jesus, my worrying had eased substantially. However, an unbelievably unfortunate series of events including fibromyalgia, difficult family circumstances & a significant increased disability to serve has resulted in my old worrying habits sneaking its way back into my life.
What if I continue to get sicker? What if I never get to have a career or have children? What I am never able to  serve God? Now if you have these or similar worries/concerns, let me not discourage you too harshly. Some of these are good questions to have. But the question du jour is: should we worry about them?

Jesus' answer, in this passage, is NO!

1. There is no added value by worrying[v27], unless you value extra grey hairs/wrinkles.
None of us can change a circumstance by worrying about it. Me worrying about whether I am going to get worse certainly can't help me get better!

2. God will provide for us!
Jesus, in this passage, compares us to the birds of the air & the lilies of the field. He tells us that the fact that they are surviving and growing beautifully is evidence enough that God provides for them. If he provides for them, how much more will be provide for us, who are his adopted children in Christ! Sometimes, it is so easy to forget that the God of this entire universe is for us, loves us & takes cares of us as our Father. Is he not big enough & good enough to help us survive our darkest days?

3. Each day has enough trouble.
 This is absolutely true & perhaps, even more visibly true for those of us who struggle with chronic illness. I don't know about you, but when I wake up each morning, I wonder how I am going to make it through the day. How will I do a good job at work? How will I sustain my energy during the day? There's just no time to think of tomorrow! In fact these days, I'm struggling to make plans even two days in advance.

So how should we act instead, amidst circumstances that would otherwise be worrying?

Jesus says we are to seek first God's kingdom, knowing that all our other needs are known & met by our Father. This involves a radical change of thought in our lives. It involves resolving to look beyond yourself & to pray for things that God is involved in doing in this world.

I tried doing this a couple of weeks ago. I resolved that just for one week, I was not going to pray for my daily needs. For one week, I was going to pray solely for the work God was doing through my church, missionaries,aid organisations. For one week, I was going to pray for my friends who didn't know Jesus & for opportunities to share the gospel with them. To be honest, I could not have picked a worse week to do it. That week, I was pummelled by intense bouts of pain & fatigue. I was just about to resume working & it was a really stressful time. You know what I found? Even though I never prayed for myself, God answered every groaning in my heart. He brought relief when I was falling in pain, strength to endure & my start back at work went relatively smoothly.

Now, please hear me out. I am not saying that we shouldn't pray for our needs. Jesus encourages us later on in this very same gospel to give our concerns & cares to God. But by seeking first His kingdom, not only do we see just how generous & loving our God is but we also are reminded of a very counter-cultural truth: that the world does not really revolve around us.

So next time you are tempted to worry, remind yourself that God has & will provide for you and seek his Kingdom instead, in prayer & action.

T'was grace that brought me safe thus far, and grace will lead me home.

It's been a bad day...

Leeton, NSW (c) 2011

" O Lord, be gracious to us, 
we long for you.
Be our strength in the morning,
Our salvation in times of distress."                                                                            
Isaiah 33:2

Do you ever feel like you're broken? Like the weight of the world, your day or a really difficult situation has stripped you, leaving you bare & empty?

I've been feeling like this for a couple of days now, like I'm the tree in this picture with no leaves or fruit to show. No matter how hard I've tried, I just haven't been able to lift myself out of this funk I'm in.

Pain has a nasty way of separating us from those around us. It seems like no one truly understands you or wants to face your pain with you. My fibromyalgia has left me disillusioned in the past but the feeling of social isolation & disconnectedness is a really tough one to beat, partially because it is true.

So, what can we do about it?

1. Grieve
I think we can feel free to feel upset, outraged and hurt. In my darkest moments, some of the only words that have been able to capture what I am feeling have come from the Bible itself. Psalm 88 is one of my favourites. The psalmist describes his life is drawing near the grave[v3], being in the lowest pit & in the darkest depths[v6]. He describes the pain at losing all his friends[v8], at being afflicted with suffering & being close to death[v15]. The last verse [v18] in particular, "You have taken my companions and loved ones from me; the darkness is my closest friend." I know some of you have experienced days like this, & I certainly have over the past weekend.

2. Fall into God's arms
In Psalm 88, we see the reaction of the person suffering under all this grief. He calls out to God, every day [v1-2,9,13]. He does not have his friends around him anymore because they have all left his side. But he has his God. And so do we. Isaiah 33 echoes this. Isaiah cries out in longing to God to be his strength and his salvation. Our best response during those inevitable dark days is not just to cry about it but to give it all to God (note: these 2 things can be done together). Share your loneliness, your fears and your hurt with him & do this daily. There's nothing like unexpressed hurt that leads to never-ending bitterness. Ask him to be your strength. Ask him to help you forgive your friends for not supporting you. Ask him to help you survive this dark day & any others that follow.

3. Do something practical for someone else
Another thing that suffering, isolation & grief are really good at doing is keeping you focused on yourself. When you don't have the energy to survive your own day, you rarely have the energy to look to other's needs. In an ideal world, there'd be others to help you survive, but as followers of Christ, we know that this life is far from perfect. The best thing you can do is find someone else around you who's suffering & help them out. Now you're probably thinking, How? I can barely deal with my own grief. But remember, it does not have to be a big thing. Maybe for you, it means giving a hug to your brother/sister. Maybe it means donating $10 to a charity/mission. Maybe it means praying for someone else, even though you have lots of things to pray for yourself. I believe it is the loving & godly thing to do, to look to each other's interests, even when we feel like our interests are being ignored by everyone else.

I pray that God might be gracious to you this day, as you struggle to survive. May He be your source of strength and comfort & may He enable you to survive this distressing period.