Today's theme song...

I feel so broken
From head to toe
I'm curling away from high
Doubt I could rise even if I tried

Yet there's people awaiting
And never ending lists of tasks to be done
For now I have no choice
I wish I could hide rather than run.

Raise some awareness!

There are some really key things coming up in chronic illness saga that is our lives, so check them out!

1. International Fibromyalgia / ME / CFS Awareness Day - Saturday, 12th May
I read somewhere that this day was chosen as it is Florence Nightingale's birthday, who was believed to have these illnesses. I don't know if that's true, though.

Either way, get on board! Whether, you are a sufferer, carer or you know someone who has one of the above, wear purple to show your support. To take extra advantage of this day, here's some ideas:

• Give a gentle hug to someone you know who has these illnesses or bake them a cake
• Spend a day listening to them & doing what they can enjoy without too much pain
• Write to your local MP to make them aware that one of the 3-6% of the population who struggles with these illnesses lives in their locality. 
• Share this post & use your social media to let others know of this condition
• Share this video made by a fibro sufferer in honour of the day:

2. National Pain Week

This week, organised by Chronic Pain Australia, is mainly centred around three events:

• a one-day conference in Canberra on 25th July titled "The Culture of Pain". 
• 10,000 faces of pain - showing real people struggling with chronic pain
• An Art Competition to raise awareness for chronic illness     See more details here. 

This website also has access to research programs on chronic pain if you're interested to help with that.

3. Here's another really helpful video on Pain - by Chronic Pain Australia

Love always :)

Longing for God, not just his house

Over the past couple of months, I've been reading through the Book of Isaiah and it has given me great joy to see all that Isaiah prophesied about the coming Messiah, being fulfilled perfectly in Jesus.
But it really made me wonder: why did Jews persistently believe that Jesus was not the one who Isaiah was referring to? How did they manage to miss it?

To understand why, I think we need to put ourselves in the shoes of Jews of Jesus' time:
1. They had waited a long time for their Messiah to arrive. They had heard prophecies from Isaiah, from Jeremiah and from so many other prophets about who he was going to be, and they had waited for him for centuries.
2. They had suffered greatly. Their wait was not a comfortable, joyous one. They had suffered war, exile and enemy rulers, finally culminating in the rule of Caesar & the Roman empire in Jesus' time.
3. They were desperate for freedom, for Israel to be restored to all its former glory. And no doubt, the Messiah was promised to bring God's people together under God's rule again, which we, post-Jesus Christians, are able to see fulfilled in part spiritually and will be fulfilled completely, when Jesus returns and takes us to be with him & God for eternity.
When Jesus came to the Jews, he did not fit their expectations of Him. Jesus did not overthrow the Roman empire. Instead, he taught and then, he died. To these Jews, to believe in Jesus, as Messiah, would have meant accepting another long, arduous wait to see God's people restored fully to Himself. And for some of them, it was too much to face; too hard to believe it was true.

I wonder if we are much different these days. As post-Jesus-Christians struggling with chronic illness, we too have waited for what seems like a long time to be free from the bondage of our illnesses. We too have suffered greatly, each enduring and carrying the weight of our poor health and relational isolation. We too are desperate to be restored to fullness, to finally be physically free to be who God made us to be. Unfortunately, this means that we too are in danger of forgetting who God is and has revealed himself to be now.

Friends, do you ever find yourself day dreaming about heaven, about that moment when you'll receive your resurrection body and finally know what it is like to breathe/walk/worship/etc without pain? I'm definitely not saying that this is an evil thing to do, but consider this: If you could have heaven right now, with no sickness, pain and a fully restored body, with all the friends you've ever had on earth and all the food and activities you've ever liked/enjoyed and all the natural beauties you've ever seen and no human conflicts or disasters, could you be satisfied with this heaven if God was not there? 

I think as Christians, and even more so as Christians who battle life-long chronic illness, we need to be ever vigilant & prayerful to ensure we do not forget what heaven is truly about; what Jesus actually accomplished for us on the cross - ie. a restored relationship with God and what we will receive in heaven - a life forever walking with our God.


God, thank you that Jesus is the Messiah that you spoke of, through the prophets. Thank you that because He died and rose from the dead, that our relationship with you is restored & we can be your sons & daughters again. Please help us never stop longing for the day when you fully restore this world. But as we look forward to that day when Jesus returns and calls us to heaven, help us long to spend eternity with You, and not just with your great gifts that are ours in Christ. 

Life & Death

"For me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." Philippians 1:21

In this passage, Paul describes the dilemma of every Christian that has ever walked this earth.
One the one hand, we want to die. Death means to be finally reunited with our Maker, God & His King, Jesus. Death means to walk into the new creation where there is no death, pain, suffering, sickness or mourning. Life, on the other hand, means more opportunities to serve God and give Him glory, not to mention more opportunities to share our faith with friends and family.. We are torn.

For those of us who are chronically ill, we know that this dilemma is stretched even further. If you're anything like me, death is the better option, by a long shot. If you are anything like me, you struggle to imagine ever serving again, let alone sharing your faith with others. Chronic illness sometimes robs us of our ability to serve. Over the years, I have watched all my passions of serving and the various things I was involved in disappear one after another from my hands.. It's tough; I mean losing hobbies & friends is hard enough. But losing the ability to serve God is one of the hardest things I've ever had to face.

Two things I think that are helpful for us to remember:

1. We don't know what the future holds. 

Friends, even as I write this, I find it difficult to imagine things will get much better; I struggle to dream of a day when I can catch up & encourage fellow Christians without finding it draining & painful. I wonder if I'll ever pursue my dreams of full-time ministry. But still, I don't know. I can't be certain that I will never get that chance. Only God knows my future. This much I do know, God never needs us to have any abilities to serve Him; after all, He is the giver of abilities. All he asks for is a willing heart. So if you want to serve but can't, talk to God about it. Beg & plead & beg some more for the chance to be involved in His Kingdom work. In Luke 10:2, Jesus says, "The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field." Why not ask the Lord to send you, to equip you for His work? 

Let me be brutally honest. God did not answer this prayer of mine for a good long year. It was difficult waiting on Him & in some ways, I think I am still waiting. But, as of last week, I have tasted a glimmer of His grace in answering my prayer. I have been begging God for not just the opportunity to share my faith (because I've had plenty) but the energy to take it up as well as clear cognitive function to actually be able to think & respond. Two weeks ago, I was at the hairdressers when all of a sudden she asked me if it was Ash Wednesday. This led to a short but unmistakable opportunity to talk about God. 

In my prayers the next week, I asked God how I'd be able to talk about God since at best, I have maybe 25% time without brain fog.  Then, at work, a former colleague of mine & I had a decent chat about our beliefs and why I choose to be a Christian. She even agreed to discuss it further on Skype, as we both had some work to get through before the end of the day! And this was a day when my brain was absolutely foggy. In fact, I thought I was blubbering nonsense the whole time but thank God that He can use even my nonsense for His glory! Hurrah! 

2. God is seen clearly when we are weak and broken. 

Friends, you need to hear this. Even if you are not sharing your faith, even if you are lost and unable to move, even if you are not really going to evangelistic events or seeing conversions around you, I promise you that God is using your health circumstances to bring Him glory. He most definitely is! 

Most of us will never know how are helping the Kingdom of God & that's because we don't have the advantage of being out of time & space, like God. We can't see the impact our suffering & trust in God is having on the people around us. But trust me, God is definitely not letting it go to waste & He most certainly has a plan in place to bring Himself glory. 

In my years of chronic illness, one thing I have noticed most clearly - People cannot ignore the fact there is something wrong with the world when they see someone walking through chronic illness. We remind people of their mortality & for those who don't know God, of their judgement. We are bright shiny neon signs that say, "Something is wrong; You need help to be made right with God." Now, this is not to say, that this isn't true in some sense for all Christians. I just think it's a much brighter, & ultimately harder to ignore, light for the chronically ill. 

As I read this verse written by Paul, perhaps I can paraphrase it a little to help us remember this truth:

'For me, to live is to be neon sign for Christ and to die is to be free & at home with God at last.'

Love always :)